Diary of an Underachieving Churchgirl

"Mom, what if I fail at life?" --asked by my 11 year old son in the car on the way to school this morning. What if I fail at life. Oh, how I long to take this child up in my arms like I did when he was only four years old, and hold him and hug him and kiss him, cradle him and stroke his face and tell him, "Child, child. You are loved. You are a treasure. You are enough. God will hold you in the palm of His mighty hand all the days of your life..." But he's a fifth grader now, and he's jumping out of the car and on his way to class, and this being a mom of a fifth grader gig is no walk in the park. "Life is hard. Some people give up. But, never give up. Never say die. Always fight." I knew the words were lame the moment they came out of my mouth. How do you answer such a question? Life isn't a test you have to pass. Life is not proving yourself. Life isn't a competition to see who makes it to the finish line and who sets up a ...

All eyes were on Rocklin, California on Monday, September 18, as parents and protesters gathered at a school board meeting to decide on some ground rules moving forward. After a kindergarten teacher read two books promoting transgenderism in children to her class last year at Rocklin Academy, and then orchestrated a trans boy's "reveal," as you can imagine, the 5-year olds were confused by this and afraid, and their parents were horrified that they had not been alerted to the discussion beforehand. Unfortunately, no change will be made regarding how Rocklin Academy handles the subject of transgenderism in their school. Parents will not be notified when instruction on the topic occurs, nor will they be offered the option of opting their child out of such instruction. This same brand of tyranny is coming to a school near you soon, if it isn't already there. Like Rocklin Academy, parents' wishes will be disregarded in your child's school, too. There are sc...

An important message from Melinda Penner, Executive Director at Stand to Reason: Every Christian needs to be able to explain what religious liberty is and why it’s important. It’s ironic that this country traces its origins to people seeking a place for religious freedom and fleeing governments that dictated how they could practice their religious convictions. It’s ironic because we’re at a place in U.S. history where religious liberty is being redefined and isn’t valued, despite being the first freedom protected in our Constitution. It’s being redefined as freedom to worship and believe what we wish, but not to live out those convictions in the public square, in our daily lives. That’s a radical redefinition because the fundamental principle of religion is finding what’s true about the world, and that informs our significance and guides how we live. Relativism and a new definition of pluralism have led many to believe that religion is a personal preference like ice cream fla...

Today, I am devastated. When I left my church because my pastor's beliefs about homosexuality are incompatible with scripture, did I hurt people? Did I leave people behind? I wonder if my gay friends still consider me a friend to them, or an enemy. From a chance encounter I had today, I can only assume they still love me; they still consider me a friend, but a friend on the periphery, not the inner circle. That was my choice. Can I live with it? When I consider the faces, the friends, I have cut off from my life by leaving my church, all I can conclude by the shame and pain and longing in my heart is that it's possible I was not the only one hurt by my departure. And this grieves me deeply. When I left my church, should I have said good-bye? Should I have tried to explain why? Is it possible for me to remain friends with the dear ones I know who have chosen to stay? How can I do that? It's funny. My gay Christian friends are no doubt praying just as hard fo...

The sun sets on a perfect weekend. My heart wants so badly to be sad. Sad that two years ago my dad lay breathing in a hospital bed, squeezing mom's hand, even then trying to make everyone else feel better. Sad that my little family will grow up and change and away. Sad that these indeed are the days, and one day soon I will only remember them. Sad that the sun sets on perfect days. My heart wants to be sad. It tries to be sad, but my Savior won't let it. He sits by me and keeps lifting my head so that I am looking into His eyes. There is no sadness. There is only abundant life, in ways and in places we don't yet know. There is hope. I will run into my Daddy's arms again one day. Mom will not have a piece of her heart missing any longer in loneliness for him. The sun will rise and set, rise and set on all sadness that comes, on all pain, on all aching good-byes and I miss you, on all sickness, death, and fears about what the near future may bring. Bu...

I went to church on Sunday. I haven't attended church for months. I left my former church because my pastors were flippant about God's Word. They read Matthew Vine's book, "God and the Gay Christian," and other books, which make the case that God is not opposed to homosexuality. They attended a weekend conference hosted by The Reformation Project. They visited my small group and said, we are not entirely convinced being homosexual is sinful, or that same-sex marriage is at odds with God's Word. And so I left, but, in reality, they left me first. I am the faithful follower of Christ who reads God's Words to us and who treasures them. I am the member of the flock who befriends and loves the lesbians in our midst. They are welcome, they are vital, they are loved. They are also in sin, and I am the sheep who looks to the shepherd of the flock to shepherd us. My pastor did not want to shepherd. He refused to shepherd my friends who persisted in the...

"Mainstream Christianity in America has failed. It looks nothing like Jesus."  --Stephen Mattson This churchgirl knows a thing or two about not meeting the mark. Every Christian certainly underperforms in the things that Jesus excels at. In looking at the way He lived His earthly life, it's hard to reconcile our present-day western Christianity with 40-day fasts in the desert, show-downs with the Devil, spontaneous healings, dead people rising, walking on water, calming the sea, revolutionary teachings, and frequent seclusion in the wilderness to pray, let alone rolling out a movement that would change the world. But, underachieving is one thing. Failing is quite another. As long as there is Christ, His Church will not fail, because Christ never fails. Writing for "Sojourners" (https://sojo.net), Stephen Mattson does not mince words. His condemnation of the American church is as scathing as it is thorough. According to Mattson, our sins are many. ...