Church Hurts

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Today, I am devastated.

When I left my church because my pastor's beliefs about homosexuality are incompatible with scripture, did I hurt people?

Did I leave people behind?

I wonder if my gay friends still consider me a friend to them, or an enemy. From a chance encounter I had today, I can only assume they still love me; they still consider me a friend, but a friend on the periphery, not the inner circle. That was my choice.

Can I live with it?

When I consider the faces, the friends, I have cut off from my life by leaving my church, all I can conclude by the shame and pain and longing in my heart is that it's possible I was not the only one hurt by my departure. And this grieves me deeply.

When I left my church, should I have said good-bye? Should I have tried to explain why? Is it possible for me to remain friends with the dear ones I know who have chosen to stay? How can I do that?

It's funny. My gay Christian friends are no doubt praying just as hard for me as I am praying for them. I guess that's a good thing.

There is a golden cord that binds our hearts together, a cord that cannot ever be broken. We are bound to each other as sisters and brothers in Christ. Just because I distanced myself from that family of believers does not mean I no longer love them. In fact, I seem to love them even more. I long for their health, joy, and good blessing.

You see, it is not I who is their judge.

More than anything, I long to be with them again, the way we were, always eating great food, and always laughing.

But a line divides us.

How will I live with it?









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