Diary of an Underachieving Churchgirl

I wasn’t prepared for unhappiness. Arguments, yes. Moods, OK. But unhappiness pervading every fiber of our home? Not. The day starts with it being too early for a 55 pound child to jump on my sleeping back. Don’t I deserve a nice cuddle? Maybe a kiss? No, it’s jumping time, and sleeping mommy is the trampoline. We put $200 on our credit card so my son and I could go to the local waterpark during the summer. But he doesn’t want to go. The water is too cold. He doesn’t like the water. So we stay home today. Another day to navigate inside our air conditioned hamster cage while outside it’s 100 degrees. Big payday on Friday. Had to go to Walmart on Sunday morning to avoid the crowds. We were out of everything, and now I have $12 in my purse. It’s going to be a real juggle to get through this week on $12. Sundays were a wonderful respite. An hour and a half sitting in a comfortable, cool sanctuary while someone else handled the kiddo. Then, some kind of church phobia se...

Relating with the world becomes exceedingly difficult when you realize we’re just not speaking the same language anymore. For example, in the world, love most often describes a sort of romantic feeling , rather than radical action contrary to human selfishness.  Peace , also, most often connotes an absence of conflict, judgment, or disapproval, rather than the presence of God Himself surpassing our understanding. Joy has come to mean following our bliss, doing what fulfills us, or finding what makes us happy, rather than describing the state of unbroken, forever-connectedness with our Maker, no matter what. Jared C. Wilson, writing at The Gospel Coalition, believes that justice , also, has morphed into a sort of “nebulous fairness,” a sense of “altruistic equality,” or giving people what they want because it’s only fair to do so, rather than “the spreading dominion of the righteousness of God.” Wilson writes, “When God calls us to ‘do justice,’ he is call...

I LOVE cinnamon rolls.   Without a shadow of a doubt there will be a Cinnabon franchise right at the entrance of the pearly gates that lists the words “All you can eat” and “calorie and fat free” on the sign.   It will be the second indication (gates of pearl being the first) that I am indeed in the right place!   I have tried “Cindy’s Cinnamon Rolls” in malls, I have had cinnamon rolls and buns in various bakeries all over the country but none compare to the Cinnabon!   Just because something has the same name does not mean it is the same.   That holds true for my chosen denomination.   I was not born a Presbyterian.   I became one through my defiant discovery and study of the Scriptures.   A decade or so before my own spiritual wrestling match there was an even greater and more monumental struggle when the PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) broke away from the PCUSA (Presbyterian Church in the United States of America).   Make no ...

You long for something. You hear a call to some purpose. You wait for God. Or, maybe you don’t wait for God. Maybe God shows you a way, and you take action. An infertile couple, for example, might assume God’s provision for them is adoption, rather than defying medical odds and making them physically able to have a child. And they may be exactly right… or, God may do an unexpected miracle. (Do you believe in miracles?) Or, a person in financial crisis might assume God will deliver through the normal means of hard work and a lot of time. And that might be exactly right, too… or, God may provide a sudden, unexpected windfall through highly unusual means. We waver, don’t we? Between hoping for a supernatural miracle and expecting a “normal,” realistic miracle. Why? Because we know God does both. What are you hoping for today? What are you expecting from the hand of God? Are you trusting Him to deliver? We hope. And expect. And sometimes demand. We ...

Pope Francis’ remarks recently chastising married couples for choosing not to have children stung me, because that was my husband and me for a long time. And I don’t harbor any animosity toward those families which consist only of a man and wife (and maybe a dog and cat). No, it’s not animosity or judgment or hate. Nothing of the kind. What I do feel is sorrow—sorrow in the heart of God Who longs to shower the earth with the blessing of so many children, and all the good that children bring forth into our existence here, if we only knew. If we only knew. And I feel sorrow also for the moms- and dads-to-be who will never be, for all the potential blessing unrealized.   This is my story. I am given one short life to live on this earth. What is it for? When I was small, I curled myself into the palm of God with joy, knowing that’s where I belonged. I had a special big rock in our front yard, and God met with me there. At 14, I would sit alone at our family’s big k...